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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Buzzfeed is the worst

Oh, hi there! First off I'd like to say this: Go to google. Type "buzzfeed is" and the rest of the world will complete your search with "cancer". Buzzfeed is the cancer of the internet. It is dangerous and spreading, and if we don't act now it could kill us all. Do you want to live in a world where we "heart" news articles?


A world where everything good is "literally breathtaking", while everything bad is a reason to break down and cry. It's all part of being relatable to modern teens. And if the YA trend of recent years has taught us anything, it's that anything targeted at children/teens will also be consumed by adults.



9 times Buzzfeed made us want to kill ourselves.

The definitive list.

1. When you're halfway through an article with 50 gifs.







2. When it says something is "literally the most amazing x ever."








3. When it has a list of facts about your college.







4. When it tries to have a "positive message".








5. When it can't stop referencing the 90's.







7. When you can't tell whether it really loves everything or is being sarcastic.




8. When you realize there is no end to the number of articles you can read.





9. When you realize Buzzfeed is taking over the internet.






Saturday, February 28, 2015

"The Dress"

Not since Monica Lewinsky has anyone cared so much about a blue dress.

So, in the aftermath, I was basically required to write a post. You know the history: someone posted a picture of this dress on tumblr, everyone disagrees about it's color. Now it's been featured on CNN and the New York Times.

the photo that created unnecessary conflict throughout the web


So, if you google it, you'll find something a little strange: the wrong answer is the most popular one. Yesterday on Buzzfeed, the split was 75/25 for "white/gold"vs. "blue/black". Of course, it's now getting around that "blue/black" is the correct answer, so the polls have shifted a little. A current poll for friday, february 27:

source: buzzfeed 


So, then I had to google a little bit more. How is it possible that everyone sees it differently? Well, it's called the Bezold effect. Here it is: the fucking Bezold effect


is this doing it for you?

Are you seeing some sort of crazy, otherworldly constellation of colors besides green, blue, magenta, and hot pink?

Here's another one:


This is a Bezold effect test. I had used blues for the first pattern and then I had changed the background color in each, dramatically changing each image!


I should probably credit "Rob-Birn", an art student at TCNJ who is graduating in 2018 , but I'm not sure if I will.

Some of these drawings appear more vibrant to me than their counterparts, but I get the feeling that there are people out there who are looking at these and seeing bizarre colors like white, yellow, or purple instead of green with varying shades of blue.

It seems that roughly 25% of people are impervious to the Bezold effect.

This includes Justin Bieber.

J. Biebs. That's his name now.


Note: this is the last time I will ever feature anything at all related to optical illusions. Judging by the fact that your response to some can diagnose you with schizophrenia, they are nothing but trouble.



Saturday, February 7, 2015

My mother is a bitch (Tomatoes/Lead)


My mother is a fucking bitch. She's just a bitch.

She just is.

Want to know something cool?

People used to think tomatoes were poisonous. Don't believe me? You're too skeptical for your own good.


you need to trust someone


If you were constantly lied to as a child, or something, here is a link from the Smithsonian, backing me up: affirming link


Apparently there was a random lunatic by the name of Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson who thought he could just eat tomatoes. He is actually quoted as saying,

"The time will come when this luscious, scarlet apple... will form the foundation of a great garden industry, and will be... eaten, and enjoyed as edible food" (Paul, 2009).

Righhht.


So yeah, in the 1700's tomatoes were also called "love apples", and they were thought to be poisonous. In reality, they were only toxic because they soaked up the lead from pewter plates.


very bad idea, do not eat off of plates containing lead.

It turns out that in those times the rich were more likely to die of lead poisoning. Pewter was expensive, so the poor usually ate with wooden utensils.


Another interesting thing to note, Crystal is just glass... with lead.



at least 24% lead


Why are the rich so drawn to eating lead?


Pretty Cool Pictures (Microsoft Word)



What, you thought this website was about words? No. Here are some pretty cool pictures.

Oh fuck, you know what? It takes a lot of effort to link up pictures all day. Do you remember microsoft word? Do you remember how difficult it was to scale your pictures in microsoft word? Or to format things?

above: an MLA template with a header. Wasn't it fun having to mess around with all these settings, when you really just wanted to print out your book report on Huckleberry Finn?



The problem occurs because Microsoft word seems to think it knows better than you. You don't really want to create a formatted list, but sure enough as soon as you write "1. Tunafish" and then hit enter, Microsoft word will create a list for you lickety-split.


NEVER COME HERE AGAIN!!!!!



Clippy. If I could have reached into the computer and strangled him, I would have. There ought to have been a feature to silently kill clippy, and before you tell me, "oh, there was an off switch of some kind" let me say that I didn't want to turn him off... I wanted to kill him.

Clippy, riding in with his beady eyes and cocky eyebrows. When I was feeling lost, it was Clippy who was there to rub it in. "Would you like some assistance?" Er, no, Clippy, I wouldn't. If I wanted help, I would have asked for it.

Word Art was pretty sick, though.



above: my feelings about word art.





Sea of Nothingness (Mormons/90's ad styles)

I'm literally floating in a sea of nothingness.

Let's discuss mormon television.

Now, the point of this blog is to remember things about my past. Currently I live at home, doing nothing, seeing nothing, achieving nothing. I am in the dark. This blog is my chance to climb into the light. So, let's talk about BYU TV.

BYU TV is a tv channel (obviously) for mormons. How did I find BYU TV? Well, for some reason, I was feeling adventurous with the remote, and... there it was BYU TV. There were all these mormon kids sitting around, being super likable and mild.

The mormon comedy show is called "Studio C". Their logo is very similar to comedy central's. No one will accuse them of plagiarism, though. Mormons are perfect human beings.



They say Harvard business school attracts the 3 M's: Military, McKinsey, and Mormons.


This video led me to more information about mood rings, which led me to hyper color t-shirts, and that late 80's/early 90's video production style. You know, where they just sort of bombard you with random flashes of light, shapes, and sounds?

They just sort of attack you with all sorts of weird special effects. It's like, "high voice, low voice, INSANE GUITAR!!!!"

Just flashing all over the place, hyper color HYPER COLOR hyper color. Like they need to really get that shit in your brain. DO YOU GET IT? IT'S HYPER COLOR???





So, after that I basically wanted to have an epileptic seizure.




Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Keeping my word

I said I would fill this entire website with content.

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Can you see the cool text pattern?

Monday, January 12, 2015

5 reasons I am going to write enough to fill up an entire website today.

Random clickbait? I think not. Here are the top 5 reasons I am going to fill up this entire website with material so that it looks like I am a normal, productive member of society.


 1. I have nothing else to do. 

  I literally have nothing else to do. It's a friday, during winter break, and I am just trying to kill time until dinner. So far I have been on cracked, reddit, and youtube. I scrolled through buzzfeed looking at pictures of grilled cheese sandwiches. Hear this, internet void: I am real. I exist.

 2. I need to distract myself from the deep emotional hole that has developed because my parents never loved me

 Sure, my father always wanted me to do well in school, but it's undeniable that my mother would rather not "deal" with me. Constantly mentioning how she is preparing to "go back to work" is very time consuming for her. In her world, she is a victim, and I am just a selfish brat who has repeatedly failed to think about her.

 Face my mother makes, half the time.


 3. My dog needs this.

 He's adorable. He believes in me. He looks at me with playful, eager eyes, as though he loves me and thinks I am his best friend in the world. He probably expects me to make something of myself, so that his support doesn't go to waste.

not my dog, but he has a similar spirit


4. this is an entry that will get me one step closer to 5

Do you remember kindergarten? Do you remember learning to count? You may have learned that before kindergarten. Scratch that, it's definitely more of a preschool thing,

Anyways, 4 comes right before 5. I will not give up at 3. "5 reasons" is right in the title. It has to be done this way.

oh wow. Numbers.




5.  I am very bored

now, I know what you're thinking. This is just a reiteration of #1, you say. Well, to that I say, stop questioning me and start thinking like a lemming. The ability to mindlessly consume information is what you're going to need if you're going to subsist on clickbait.


Real life lemming. Aww, so adorable, so cute LOLOLOL <3!!!!!!